I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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