my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
