I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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