If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
