just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
