I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
