I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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