I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
