I love black thongs
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
