Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
