I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
