Just cropdusted the office
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
