He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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