Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
