I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no you cant smoke seaweed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
