I faked an abortion last night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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