ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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