HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
