The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
