I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
