If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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