Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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