Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
