my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
