We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
