Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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