Nicole vs. Life
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
