Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
