my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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