Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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