i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
