Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
