Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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