I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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