It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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