I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
