I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
