is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
