i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
