I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize