I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
