I'm really into asian looking animals
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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