i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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