My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
