i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
