i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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