I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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