I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
