sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
