I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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