You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
