Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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