well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
