I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
