She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
