So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
