she was so not down for the gang bang
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
