So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
