i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
