i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
