Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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