He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
