i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
