you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
