We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize