I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
