you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
