Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
