I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
